This is sourced from Fanfiction.net. Unfortunately, I am not clever enough to come up with most of these. Some of the comments may or may not be mine, though. I've forgotten if I put those in and how many I put in.
Really Dumb Store labels:
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Oopsie, too late )
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (No, it will be cold. When you put it in the freezer it will be hot. *Raises eyebrow sarcastically)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (No comment . . .)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (Hmm, now how do I get my four year-old brother to learn about driving and machinery?)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (Isn't that kinda the point??)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (Dude, what else is
there?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (okay that made me curious, what other use??)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Well duh! What else could it contain? Saints?)
On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (Because they don't want to give us the fake bacon, they want to give us the real fake bacon :P)
On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (And how do you use regular soap? I'm really interested to know...)
On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (Aww, so knives always end up in children?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (We ain't two,
ya know. Wait two year-olds can't read yet...)
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this.)
On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (Oh man, what a waste of my money!)
On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions: "Put on fork and eat." (No! Really? We're supposed to eat food?!)
On a can of bug spray: “Harmful to bees”. (What did you think they would be harmful to? Spiders?)
On a life-saving device: “This is not a life-saving device”. (Note to self, don't buy from this company)
On a TV remote control: “Not dish washer safe”. (So that's why it won't work anymore...)
A New Zealand insect spray "Not tested on animals." (Obviously.. you tested it on insects)
A Television Owner’s Manual "Do not pour liquids into your television set." (Should have said that earlier in the manual people)
A VCR box says "Instructional video on hooking up your VCR included." (If we knew how to operate the VCR already, the video will be freaking useless won't it?)
A can of self-defense pepper spray "May irritate eyes." (What else is it supposed to do? Season my fries?)
A can of windscreen de-icing spray "Spray works in sub-zero temperatures." (Yeah that helps me soooo much)
A cardboard sunshield that keeps sun off the dashboard "Do not drive with sunshield in place." (Well, that explains a lot.)
A cartridge for a laser printer "Do not eat toner." (Awww... but it tastes good on toast!)
A computer mouse "Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." (What if I throw it at my cats?)
A container of underarm deodorant "Caution: Do not spray in eyes." (Amazing.)
A dishwasher carries this warning "Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher." (Oh... KIDS, OUT OF THE DISHWASHER!)
A popular manufactured fireplace log "Caution - Risk of Fire." (What's it supposed to do..)
A rubber ball toy "Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." (Isn't that why I'm buying it?)
A sharpening stone "Knives are sharp." (Really? No wonder it cut through my chicken like butter after sharpening!)
A snowblower warns "Do not use snowthrower on roof." (And how exactly am I supposed to get a snowthrower on the roof?)
A baby stroller "Remove child before folding." (Oh. Better go get little Bobby out...)
A pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." (No, it protects the tree from getting bruises when I collide...)
An electric router made for carpenters "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." (Shoot. There goes my quick fix to this cavity.)
An "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter "Do not use near fire, flame or sparks." (Okay... then what am I supposed to do with it?)
A rock garden "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." (Ah. So it's like a 50% chance, then?)
A Fruit Roll-Up snack "Remove plastic before eating." (So that's why I keep getting shocked in the mouth...)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity. Copy and paste this into your profile!
Ja ne!
~Feebs98
